10 Things Not to Say to a Sugar mummy

It’s tough being an almost 30-something, single woman out there and I’m sure it’s tough being a friend/co-worker/relation to an almost 30-something, single woman. Just to help you out here are the top 10 things not to say to us.

  1. So, what’s new? Anything new and exciting in your life? I know this is code for “Are you dating anyone?” Just don’t ask. If I meet someone I can guarantee you I’ll be talking about him because I’ll be so excited and because it doesn’t happen very often.
  2. I recently went to a fun, charity dinner event for firefighters to raise money for a burn treatment centre. It’s such a great cause and of course that’s why I signed up… or for the possibility of meeting my future husband. And I know everyone else is thinking the same thing. So when the event is over and you ask me how it went and I say I had a great time and I’m definitely going again next year – this means that I had a great time and I’m definitely going again next year and no, I didn’t meet my future husband so don’t ask any more dumb questions.
  3. Don’t mention kids. I’m lucky enough that I’m not really sure if I want kids so I’m not in a hurry to find a guy just for the sake of procreating. I had a co-worker of mine (who is a really great person) mention something to me about her sister, who has been dating a guy for over a year and that she had better get moving because she’s not getting any younger… her sister was 32. Hello??? I’m almost 30 – did you forget that? Don’t pass judgment on us prime, single women because we’re not having babies at 25. Then she proceeds to tell me she’s so happy she had kids when she was young so she can keep up with them and be a young mom. Helloo again??? Sometimes we don’t have a choice in the matter. I don’t want to be 40 if I decide to have kids but maybe that will be the age when I have the opportunity to have them.
  4. You’ll find “the one” when you’re not looking. I’M ALWAYS LOOKING! I really hate that line.
  5. Be happy with what you do have. This is true. I have my own place, a job, a car – I really am thankful. BUT I WANT MORE! There’s nothing like that feeling of being in love.
  6. When you find the right person you’ll know. What do you mean I’ll know? Does a siren go off? Does someone come to me in a dream telling me that he’s the one? Do I get a letter in the mail saying I met my soul-mate? Throw me a bone people!
  7. Stay busy and have a life of your own. I’m almost 30. I don’t go to the bar, I rarely go to pubs and I hang out with my married friends… yeah, I’m real busy.
  8. If it’s meant to be it’ll happen. That’s a load of squash if I ever heard a load of squash. Some people don’t get married or meet their “soul-mate.” How come some people are lucky enough to find true love and some aren’t?
  9. Put yourself out there. I have really done this. I consider myself a quieter person but I really do believe in taking chances and taking a risk especially because it makes my dull life more exciting. For example, I gave gym guy my number. Still waiting on that phone call. Part of the reason I did this is because I would love for someone to do that to me and I wanted to find out if he was interested. If not, I would know and then I could move on to my next poor, helpless victim.
  10. You don’t need a man to complete you. Really? I betcha a single, feminist came up with this. There is a feeling you get from being with a man you’re attracted to that you just don’t get when you’re hanging with your girlfriends. It’s irreplaceable and I don’t want to go through life without it. I think it has to do with chemistry or hormones… really, it’s beyond our control and in our chemical make-up.

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Five ways to meet the toyboy (or cougar) of your dreams that you haven’t thought about

Love is in the air (and hopefully air that’s not full of carbon emissions!) With climate change becoming more mainstream, “eco networking” is a great way to meet people – whether for business or for finding the man or woman of your dreams. Here are five great places and forums that you may not have considered.

1. Visit a Farmers Market

There is no better way to get to know community than heading to your local farmers’ market. Farmers and shoppers are always keen to share their thoughts and ideas on organic food, cooking and healthy living. Farmers markets serve a vital link between country and city living and is the perfect meeting ground for these disparate worlds.

2. Take a gardening or permaculture course

In these financially tough times, people are spending less time traveling and shopping and putting more effort into family and friends. It also means people are picking up new hobbies and pastimes, such as gardening and permaculture. Permaculture is a great way to get in touch with the environment and understand how to make your lifestyle more holistic and earth friendly. (And what better first impression can you make than with hands coated with rich fertile soil.)

3. Volunteer

Plant a tree, clean a park, raise awareness and meet great people. Community groups are full of enthusiastic, knowledgeable and kind hearted peopled just like yourself! You can volunteer at a number of levels, even if sitting in front of the computer is your thing. (Statistical fact – 90 percent of people who volunteer live longer and have better sex than those who don’t. Actually, we just made that up, but we dare someone to tell us it’s not true!)

4. Green dating goes online

Like everyone else, green dating moves online. Today’s mainstream dating sites, like RSVP have Green Communities and forums. There are also a number of great environmental meetup groups, such as GreenUps, which are specifically for greenies keen to network across the space.

5. Take public transport

Sharing in the public transport experience is a communal journey. Commuters meet and greet each other every morning and relish in the fact that they’re universally opting to go greener. (Or they get in a good whinge about how the bus is always late and traffic always slow, but either way, great conversational opener). Cyclers are also a very tight knit group, if you don’t mind a little bit of perspiration.

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What Are the Laws of Human Attraction?

You’ve probably heard of the Law of Attraction. This unscientific law says that your thoughts attract what comes into your life. If you think positively about what you want, that’s what the Universe will send you. Likewise, negative thoughts attract negative events and occurrences.

Does this same type of law hold true for human attraction as well? There are two schools of thought on this. Looking at it from a scientific standpoint, it does seem entirely possible that there could be biological “laws” governing how people are attracted to each other. There are chemicals called pheromones that are well documented in the animal kingdom, especially in insects. These chemicals trigger some kind of response in other members of the same species. There are pheromones to signal alarm or danger, and other pheromones that insects use to alert members to a good food source, a new hive, or which trail to follow. Sex pheromones are particularly well studied.

While there haven’t been any specific pheromones found in humans, there is much anecdotal evidence to support the “chemical attraction” theory. Women have been shown to adjust their menstrual cycles when exposed to extracts of male underarms. Other studies have suggested that people may subconsciously be using odor cues to choose mates who aren’t closely related.

What about personality and physical attraction – don’t those play a role in human relationships? For the most part, when someone is attracted to a member of the opposite sex the first attractor is physical appearance. But, unless the pair wants only a purely physical relationship, there must be more than physical attraction to sustain a relationship.

In order to keep a relationship fresh and strong, personality becomes the main focus in human attraction. Getting to know the person over a period of time, discovering their goals and dreams, and seeing how they handle different aspects of everyday life are all important in deciding whether a specific person is attractive enough to stay in a long-term relationship with.

After physical attraction, perception of a person’s personality is what initially attracts a potential mate. Perception is particularly important, as it is possible for someone to hide their true personality for a time, or at least to hide certain aspects of it. This is what often leads to the failure of a relationship, since once the person’s true personality is revealed, the other partner may feel betrayed or let down if it’s not what was initially projected. It’s important that we not be “blinded” by the thrill of a new relationship and overlook small clues that may indicate our potential partner isn’t really what we thought.

Overall, we as a species are overwhelmingly attracted to people who consistently share our values. The old adage that “opposites attract” is true to a degree, but generally, we’re attracted to people who show personality attributes that we deem important, whether or not we possess those attributes ourselves.

The Laws of Human Attraction are complex and varied, as are humans themselves. Chemical, biological, physical, and emotional factors all play a role in this age-old question.

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